


Why is Shayne Crying?

by Baknami



Category: Battleborn (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Getting Dunked On, Hobos, Meltdown, something small
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 15:01:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6911923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baknami/pseuds/Baknami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A few members of the illustrious Last Light Consortium seem to be low on funds.  Shayne has a good idea for how to get some more credits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why is Shayne Crying?

**Author's Note:**

> Battleborn is out in Japan! Here's a quick short story to celebrate my eventual constant death as I suck at shooting things.
> 
> Just stuff about some of my favorite characters (and Phoebe HEYOOOOOOOOOOOO).
> 
> (I've fixed it up since I first wrote it because I got feedback about things that weren't very good. Hopefully I've made it slightly better. I'd love comments on how to improve characters or even nitpicky grammar stuff! Thanks in advance :D)

It was, by far, the worst thing that had happened to them in their entire lives. Their entire star system exploding was just a minor setback compared to this. No, Marquis could barely stand it, and just hearing his Lady Phoebe speak those horrifying words made her butler weak-kneed.

“Marquis. I think we might be low on funds.”

*The unmitigated horror*. They were practically hobosapiens at this point, and the last thing the robot wanted to do was turn Bindlebane upon *himself*. “H-how is zat even possible...?” he asked her.

“What else?” Phoebe asked, turning to Marquis, “The LLC is continuing this war by paying everyone, and I think we might have been dipping too far into Father's coffers. Perhaps it is time that we throw ourselves into the fray as well, and gain what little credits of our own that we can.”

Marquis would have been lightheaded, had he blood in his system. He didn't even have blood *on* his system, because, honestly, blood on *these* clothes? Scandalous. “And vere, pray tell, vould ve do so?”

“I vote Meltdown!!!” came a cry so sudden that a flock of Hoodinis fluttered from their perches, soared in circles, and then landed back on the sentries they had been sitting on. Marquis whirled around, Bindlebane at the ready, but the tiny teenager didn't even react to the gun-cane's handle-pistol, instead letting out a caw of magnificent proportions, “Mannn, you shoulda seen how high you jumped! Ahahahaha!!!”

Phoebe regarded the punk teenager Shayne with light disinterest, even with her horrifying skeletal djinn Aurox floating around her. The crazy “mindblowing” girl had been around them long enough that Aurox never even fazed them anymore. “Hello, Shayne.”

“Pleaze, mein fraulein, you needn't associate yourzelf vith people *below* your station,” Marquis insisted. He looked down at the teenager with disdain, addressing her only because Phoebe actually did, “Now zen, vat about Meltdown...?”

The rogue jazzhanded a bit, looking super excited to actually be able to explain something for once, “It's a place where we have to escort a bunch of super cool robot dudes!”

Marquis turned to Phoebe, who cocked an eyebrow, interest already piqued, “Robots? Where do we escort them to?”

“To this giant, big, huge robot junkyard god named Minrec!” Marquis tried very little to keep from facepalming at her superfluous synonyms; as a result, he *did* end up facepalming.

Aurox crossed his arms, “THIS IS MY LIFE.”

“Aww, you love it, big guy.”

“THE WORD IS 'LOATHE'.”

“And *then*!” Shayne proceeded to ignore Aurox as she finished her explanation, “The junkyard god grinds them up and chews them up and if we get the most robots to be horribly mulched, we win!”

Phoebe turned to Marquis, whose monocular eye narrowed softly as he peered at the too-ecstatic-about-robot-death-in-front-of-a-homicidal-robot-to-be-considered-sane teenager. The swordswoman even knew a lot about Minrec; Marquis, being an AI Magnus, lived in fear of the day that Minrec would recycle *him* into a toaster or something equally debase.

As a result of Shayne's lack of respect for someone who could turn him to scrap, Marquis showed his unmitigated contempt for the teenager, “If I wouldn't get hobo cooties just by touching you, I'd...”

“I KNOW,” Aurox said suddenly, reaching out and pinching his thumb and forefinger together. The teenager lifted from the floor, as if he were “fetching” someone for her during battle.

“H-hey!” Shayne shouted, flailing her limbs with a disgruntled cry, “What the hell, Aurox? Lemme down, I didn't say you could pick me up!”

The djinn used his other hand to turn her upside down, and she screamed as she kicked her legs into the air, just before he tossed her, head first, straight into the large trash receptacle near the vending machines. “VERY WELL.”

“WHAT THE HELL AUROX I can't even!!” The LLC members watched as the teenager screamed and cursed, and while this sort of comeuppance wasn't high on Marquis' list (he was disappointed it wasn't an incinerator), it probably was the best they could do and not have spiritual leader Ghalt b**ch at them.

Lady Phoebe giggled a little before it turned into a lilting laugh. “This is absolutely perfect! She even got her hands stuck in there! Try to crawl out, widdle girl, ahahaha!” To think that his lady would accept this as a suitable punishment for Shayne's grievous oversight; she was an intensely kind soul...!

“Guys! Come on! Gemme outta here!!” Shayne shouted, trying to pull herself out of the cans and bottles.

“LET'S WAIT,” Aurox said before the LLC members could even respond. He raised a clawed hand from his crossed appendages, “VERY CATHARTIC.”

“I swear, Aurox, when I get out of this, Imma force you to tapdance for the others!”

“I DON'T HAVE FEET.”

The trash receptacle shuddered and Shayne's legs kicked in midair. “I WILL FIND A WAY!!”

Aurox's shoulders tensed, as if he was trying to keep his seething rage in check, and he barely cocked his head in the onlookers' direction, *daring* them to weigh in on the situation.

Phoebe's laughter hadn't even stopped since she started, and it made the trash shudder even faster, her vibrations intensifying, “I'm...I'm looking forward to it~”

“I'm not,” Marquis deadpanned, pulling at his pocket watch and clicking it open to inspect the time.

Her butler's curt, emotionless answer caused his lady to crack and shriek a laugh. Every Hoodini turned to train their eyes on her as she clutched her sides. “Oh my-oh my...! I can't... can't breathe!” Phoebe said between gasps.

“Deep breaths, madam.”

“Come on, you guys! Don't leave me like this!” Shayne insisted rather than pled.

Marquis snapped the watch closed and turned to his lady, “Vhy, Lady Phoebe, it appears to be time for tea.” Honestly, it was his favorite time; a contemplative moment to just think and be. He never actually partook in the beverage, but being able to have Lady Phoebe take her time and converse with her butler... Was there anything better in life? Aside from not being a degenerate flesh-bag liberal arts major?

Phoebe wiped away a tear from her eye as Marquis bowed low to her, and the flock of Hoodinis all alighted, heading off towards the cafeteria. “Ah, I suppose you're right. Well then, it was a pleasure, Shayne, Aurox.”

The djinn didn't even regard them as Phoebe adjusted her feet just so, so her rocket boots allowed her to glide off with Marquis one foot behind her, as a butler *should* move. There was silence for a moment, and Shayne screeched like a banshee when she realized she was *still* trapped in the trash receptacle, “I hate *everything* right now!”

Aurox leaned against the wall. “JOIN THE CLUB.”

**Author's Note:**

> Friend: Also I'm reading the wiki now and oh goodness Shayne really is a literal space hobo  
> Baknami: SHE 100% IS  
> Baknami: She would be first on Marquis' list if the others didn't stop him!  
> Friend: LMAO  
> Friend: His list?  
> Baknami: His list of "HOBOERADICATION.PROTOCOL"  
> Friend: Omg is that a thing  
> Friend: That's beautiful
> 
> Even if I don't play the game as much as most people may, I will definitely like toying with the characters some more.


End file.
